Mondays Mean...

Well, the blahs. But it's always the day I think the most. Really think I mean. About the things I want to accomplish...right now, tomorrow, five years from now. I'm all over the post-it notes, scribbling to do lists all over my desk, which for a short time makes me feel like I've accomplished something (even though I've just added more to the pile!).

But right now, I'm thinking more long-term. Like the top five things I really need to do in my life...the big ones. This changes all the time for me, although I've given it much more thought lately. (Maybe my sister's gusto inspired me? The travels of my friends? The things I read?) I'm not sure why. I think it began when I quit my dance aerobics instructing job, which I did on the side two nights a week. With everything else, it kept be busy. And it left me no time for me. I felt guilty quitting, especially because I get a certain satisfaction from having a packed schedule. But I decided this is it. I listened to my gut I think. I try to anyways...I'm not sure if I've succeeded yet...but that's a whole other topic.

Anyways, after that, I've freed up some time. Which probably won't last for long with all my constant planning, but it's a start, right? And there's some major things I want to think about and do before time passes me by. For one, traveling. I know everyone says that, but the more I see people I know take off to amazing parts of the world, I wish I could too. I have a lot of commitments here...but then again, do I? I go back and forth. Of course I do, but if I truly wanted, I could travel, couldn't I? Of course $$ is an issue, but if I want to make it happen, I suppose I can. Where? Europe of course...but down the road. New York naturally. But where I feel most a peace and most alive at the same time? Beaches. I MUST visit the top ten beaches of the world. I'm not much of a swimmer or water person, but I feel most like myself by water. It's strange. I dream about them. I CRAVE it. Does being a pisces have anything to do with it? The point is there's so much to see in this world, and what I have seen? Not even a sliver. ; )

I've also started thinking about writing. Sure, I've got the day job. But I'd love to write magazine articles. Get going on some freelance. I need to start pitching. I know a small paper in town is looking for trend lifestyle pieces for females. Perfect. I'm just stuck on what to write about! Of course I have a long list of ideas, but nothing has really gelled with me...nothing has got me writing a query letter yet! And I must do it soon! I do have my trusty folder of query writing tips though, so that's one of my near future goals. Perhaps I should start setting deadlines? I hate deadlines.

That leads me to the ultimate – writing a book. I was always the type to say ugh, I write short copy only. But I've been changing my mind lately. I feel like I need to get a long story out of me, I just don't know what it is yet.

I've been trying to exercise more by doing the group class thing. I want to dabble in different things, find what I like other than dance. Bootcamp has been brutal and great at the same time. I'm pledged to try bikram yoga tomorrow. We'll see!

I've got other random thoughts floating around, and I can never seem to write as fast as the speed that they pop into my head...so I'm going to make a list of these things. Hopefully they'll help me for future reference!

-house stuff...making a beautiful front entry (inside and out!), rocking the fireplace and adding a mantle. The kitchen! Needs some work. And jackhammering away that ugly cement pad and replacing it with grass...that levels away from the foundation of our house! We need sod for where the old sidewalk was, we need a BBQ. I need to weatherproof the windows before winter. Sigh. The category of "house stuff" really can be neverending. But all in all, I enjoy to see it all slowly coming together.

-friends...I don't feel I've made enough time to hang out with the people I love, whereas I've wasted a lot of time on people I don't care for. I'm going to change that ASAP. It's in my control. It'll save me energy and give me more.

-photography...a few of my friends have experimented in it, and it had always piqued my interest but enough for me to really do any checking into. Maybe soon is the time. Since I was nine or ten years old, I've played with whatever crappy camera I have and attempted to take something really beautiful. Next present? A spiffy camera? Maybe.

-BonBon!! My dance group! I REALLY want to get this going. It's been in the back of my head, a lot of planning...and it's time to make it reality. We need money. I'm going to bring grant info to the girl this week. How amazing would that be, to be awarded a big spanking grant?! I want to be known for our dancing, especially my choreography. I love it. It's not perfect but I know there's something there. When I hear a song that needs to be a dance I ache. I don't know how else to describe it.

-I love fashion sketching. Why did I ever stop? I had my trusty binder for years (nine years old I started it?), with around 50 drawings I think, all on looseleaf paper. I wish I could find that. It makes me think of Nana. I loved her drawing style. I miss it. Outfits pop into my head. Sometimes I wish I could create them. I wish I could at least dress like that...but maybe I just don't have the confidence yet to pull that off.

Well I'm tired of writing. It's funny I've chosen this as my career because it can make me tired and doesn't always come effortlessly. And remember, this is my 'for fun' writing, so I've pledged to not spend time editing it, cutting away words...perfecting it. I want to leave it all as it orginally spilled out over the keyboard.

But it's good. I like words. And I think they're starting to like me.