Of course, I know you can't live this way. I understand that some things are completely out of my power and I must accept that, and stop worrying about those things I can't control. It's tough though. Lately I've been feeling like certain things, things I once had such a good hold on, are slipping out of my grasp. I'm very close now to losing them...
The first is our dance group – Bon Bon Dance Co. How excited I was to launch, all the work I've put behind it, and no one seems to want to be a part of it. We hardly practice. We haven't determined our goals and moved towards them. We're certainly not becoming better dancers and we simply don't meet enough. Why bother then? Why do I still want to this? I suppose it's my only outlet to be able to dance. I'm not going to give up. Our fundraiser is around the corner and I'm going to let all these letdowns make me work even harder for this.
I'm trying to come at this from a different angle. I could place blame (and I have), or I could examine myself and see what I'm able to do about it. I can't change other people...I know. I try to, but I know I can't. So what decisions can I make that will change the course of a path...that will make a difference? Perhaps it's time to be more aggressive. Stand up for what I believe in for once.
Dance isn't the only thing I feel like is slipping out of my grasp. This one is much more complex and personal than that.
I just don't know at this point. I have no answers. I'm hurt. And she is completely oblivious. What do you when someone is changing and slipping away from you and there's nothing you can do or say to change that?
2 comments:
I hear you 100% on the dance front... I was so conflicted about quitting but the lack of commitment really sealed the deal. It was easier to walk away with a sore back and screaming babeez now than it would have been if everyone was passionate - I would have popped a dozen more Advil and pushed through the pain. It's so frikkin frustrating to only have 2 or 3 people out of 9 that actually want to get anything done.
Let's you, me & Kim start a trio and use the babeez as props :)
In terms of your last part about slipping away, my answer to you is you can't do anything. I wish there was something you could do about it but there honestly isn't. I went through this about a year ago. My friend and I were incredibly close, and then she met a boy. Instead of slowly slipping away, she fell off the face of the Earth never to be seen again. It's been more than a year and she's still distant and aloof. We went from being best friends who did everything together to talking once a month. And if the guy she is engaged to (yes, engaged now) really cared for her, he would encourage her to develop and maintain relationships outside of theirs. However, he's clearly a douchey clingy loser who doesn't know how to share and she's stupid enough to think that all she needs is him. So I just have to watch all this happen. It makes me sad almost every day.
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