It comes down to two.

I'm at 99 goals...what should the last two be? I'm going to let them come naturally to me and try not to force it. Maybe it'll come to me in a dream, in the shower, before I fall asleep? Let's see what happens – although it better happen in the next couple of days because I need to get started on this list!

Today's topic? Confidence. Lame, I know. But the thing is, I catch myself thinking I'm inferior far too often. I compare myself – my looks, my smarts, my athletic ability, my conversations with others – whenever I get the chance. And it must stop! It's been happening since junior high. I spend too much time worrying, feeling pangs of jealousy, instead of actually enjoying the moment. And that's probably the least attractive thing about me. Isn't that the ironic part? So here it is. My chance to REALLY try and stop that nonsense. Do I have a game plan? No. I'm just going to kick those bad thoughts away when they come, and fill their spot with a compliment instead. It's doable. I deserve it.

Looks like I've got goal number 100.

Copycat...for a good cause.

A friend of mine stumbled upon this "101 things 1001 days." And since I think it's such a great idea, I'm going borrow it and post it right here! After all, they do say that people who set measurable goals are overall more happy and successful than those who don't, right? Here's the rundown:

The Mission: Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past — frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

And so my list begins... (I will update until complete)

Home & Garden

1. plant flowers in our yard
   
2. jackhammer the backyard cement pad, haul it away and replace it with grass
   
3. weather-proof our windows
   
4. put up shelves in our kitchen
   
5. rock the entire fireplace
   
6. redo our entryway with a new window seat and shelves/hooks
   
7. get rid of the nasty outdoor tile around our front door
   
8. finish the main bathroom
   
9. redo the second bathroom
   
10. put in new countertop and replace backsplash in kitchen
    
11. repaint and repair our front porch
12. cook dinner from scratch twice a week for a full week (no repeating recipes!)
13. wash our windows...inside and out
14. paint the back entrance and stairway
15. jazz up my laundry room (repaint, refloor and hang a pretty curtain)
16. finish all my mending
17. sort/figure out what to do with my ever-expanding collection of magazines
18. use my crockpot at least once a month for six months

Health & Fitness

1. do a proper chin up
   
2. weigh 114 lbs
   
3. do a full, flat center split
   
4. run the Glenora stairs five times in a row without a break
5. learn to dive
   
6. go horseback riding
7. golf 18 holes
8. eat at least five servings of fruit/vegetables per day for one week
9. do bikram yoga at least once a week for 12 weeks
10. go fast food free for three months

Dance

1. get back into pointe shoes
   
2. perform an amazing lyrical solo at competition
   
3. go to a dance audition
   
4. choreograph on a freelance basis for competitions
   
5. complete and showcase a full dance work
   
6. finish a major dance grant application and send it off
7. launch Bon Bon Dance Co.
8. sign up for Latin ballroom...and be good at it
9. nail a triple left pirouette – every time
10. dance with a partner and fill the routine with lifts

Personal

1. get a decent camera and pursue photography
   
2. clean out my wardrobe of all the clothes and shoes I honestly won't wear again
3. get laser eye surgery
   
4. get a bra fitting and learn my actual size
5. get my wisdom teeth out
6. start a sketch book again
7. take a drawing class
8. blow one month's wages on shoes (Manolos?)
9. wear different earrings and shoes every day for a week
10. get a facial
11. renew my passport
12. go an entire day eating whatever I want and not feel guilty for it

Writing/Work

1. get published in a magazine
   
2. write a book (not published)
   
3. get a client with my new partnership
   
4. put together my advertising book
5. speak up in a meeting and feel powerful and confident in doing so
6. actually read through my Doctor Dictionary words and memorize ten of them
7. buy and read the books Marlene recommended to me

Adventure

1. visit New York City
   
2. visit an exotic beach
   
3. go on a trip by myself
   
4. eat dinner at a nice restaurant alone
   
5. stand under a waterfall
   
6. skinny dip
   
7. sing karaoke
8. plan a trip to Europe (book actual dates!)
9. hike a mountain
10. sleep under the stars
11. ski a double black diamond
12. get my fortune told

Financial

1. contribute a minimum of $100 a month into a RRSP
   
2. increase my student loan payments by $50 each monthly
   
3. make an additional payment on our mortgage
   
4. make a decent side salary buy freelancing
5. sell something (clothes?!) on ebay
6. sit with Trav, create a household budget and stick to it

Exploration

1. go to five new restaurants
   
2. go to the museum
   
3. spend a full day on Whyte Avenue exploring
   
4. spend an afternoon at the Ledge grounds
5. go on a road trip to somewhere I've never been
6. try sushi
7. spend an afternoon antiquing, visiting farmers' markets and garage sales
8. hang out at a park (bonus points if its a splash park!) for an afternoon

Friendships & Family

1. meet up with a childhood friend
   
2. write a handwritten letter to Travis
   
3. take a getaway with only my family
4. have a scrapbooking night with Tara once a month for at least six months
5. send flowers to a friend just because
6. host a proper, bonafide dinner party (complete with a signature cocktail!) for all my friends

Karma

1. send off a message in a bottle
   
2. plant a tree
   
3. smile at 10 strangers
   
4. tip a server 100%

Smarts

1. get a library card and use it
   
2. go to the ballet again
   
3. read Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
   
4. read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
   
5. read Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
   
6. read Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
   
7. maintain my blog for a year, and at the one year mark go back and read my first entry
   
8. go two weeks without saying "I can't"

PS

My feet survived the red shoes! But my shoes look a little rough – scrapes, scratches. Definitely don't look new anymore! They tell the story of the night...

Hmmm...

Well, the weekend flew by. It was somewhat disappointing. I mean, it was good to go back, but it's hard when you don't see these people all the time, so naturally I felt a little like an outsider. That, combined with allergy meds and too much vodka, and I think I embarrassed myself at the end of the night. I ripped my dress up to my butt, fell on the dance floor TWICE (in my favor, drinks were spilled everywhere), and I think yelled at Trav in front of some people. My god. For some reason I went past my limit...not going to do that for awhile! I mean, mostly everyone was drunk too, so I hope I didn't make a complete fool of myself...but still. Possibly the only person drunker than me was Travis...lol. Quite the pair we are. Needless to say we were slow movers the next day and really accomplished nothing. Too bad because it was absolutely gorgeous outside (not that I could go outside anyways...Trav's Dad was haying..achoo!)

Well, I'm going to move past my stupidness and try to stop thinking about it. We've all been there, right? Other than that silly stuff, the wedding was a blast. I talked to Candice quite a bit, met some new people, talked to the bride! (It always seems that at weddings I never get the chance to talk to the couple!) I'm not sure when we'll be back in DV next.

The other reason the weekend was a bit of a downer was my allergies. Jeez! My eye pretty much swelled shut. That reminds me...I need to make a doc appointment stat! It's time to get on some serious meds because I can't stand this any longer. Plus I need to be in good shape for my vacay!

Moving on...spin tonight! Not sure how I'm feeling about that, but I think it'll be great for my body AND mind to sweat it all out.

SoLo!!

So I think I'm going to do a lyrical solo this year. It's about time I revisit that genre...I feel so much stronger technically and I think I'm ready to give it another go. I've got an idea I'm feeling pretty good about – it involves a pillow and acapella. I better get started before I forget...

Almost the weekend!! I've got mostly everything packed and ready to go. Just gotta throw it in the car and I should be on my way...depending on whether or not I need to pack up Saku too. We've got the BBQ with the parentals tonight, and then the pre-wedding party after. Hopefully river Saturday if it's nice enough, dinner at Caesar's, and then the wedding at six (I haven't been to an evening ceremony...I'm interested to see how it all goes). Looking forward to it all. I cancelled dance too – so the weekend should feel longer (hopefully!!)

I am aching to travel somewhere exotic...

Red – Pianos and Shoes

I have a shopping addiction.

I bought bright, shiny, cherry red shoes from Aldo at lunch today, for the wedding this weekend. But in my defense, it was necessary as my old trusty red pumps are about to snap a heel. So a purchase with a reason makes it ok...lol. They're very high...I wonder how long I'll be able to stand them!

And speaking of red...busy working on a project called Red Piano at work. It's definitely keeping me preoccupied as we need another killer idea. One down, still waiting for the other to magically pop in my head!

Did Bikram again last night. Got Natalie and Kaitlyn to come too. It was a tough one this time! Harder than my second time for some strange reason. It could have been a combination of things – the instructor wasn't as soothing, she more or less barked at us the entire time. And I ate soup right before...better not do that again! It was still great though; I felt totally rejuvenated after.

Tara and I arranged a scrapbooking night at her place tonight – yay. It was last minute, but I'm looking forward to it. Gotta love our granny nights where we get to stay in. : ) I think I'll wear my pjs.

Off to a 1:30 meeting, ciao!

Another weekend, another Monday.

Well, here we go again! I'm already looking forward to the weekend. Memo to self: enjoy the present! I was skimming a magazine article yesterday – I can't remember in what though – that talked about how as people, we feel that before we allow ourselves any fun we need to get a long list of work done. We don't enjoy the moment but only give ourselves a pat on the back if we feel we've worked hard enough! How true that is...for me at least. I'm going to try for at least a little bit each this week to be thankful for the RIGHT NOW...whatever I may be doing. Even if it's work, because I like my work : )

I plan to get my query letter off today. I'm going to think positively, and hopefully come up with some more ideas for other queries too!

How about weekend reflection time? It was decent. Friday night dinner with a few friends, which was nice. Although we almost got hit by a car on the way there! It was storming and the lights went out at 99th and Whyte. Of course everyone drives like maniacs and instead of treating the intersection like a four-way stop, people decided to whiz through. After three cars shot by, we slowly creeped out, and sure enough this shitty white car came barrelling through. He finally hit his breaks and Trav lost it on him. They just laughed. How frustrating is that?

Saturday I started my day out with a massage, which would've been great if I wasn't allergy city. Ugh. I couldn't breathe, then my nose started running all over the place. She kept having to pass me a kleenex...I felt like a dork! The massage made me feel quite light-headed, a little nauseated even. Strange. Then off to shopping! Which was awesome. God I love shopping. Mom spoiled me and I spoiled myself a bit! There's sales everywhere and the cutest clothes everywhere too. Yikes. Now I'm thinking I need a pair of red pumps. My old ones are just too worn out...right? Yep, definitely need new ones.

Sunday was a blah day. I tried to stay motivated but only four of us showed up to dance. Didn't do anything unfortunately. I want to start choreographing but I just wasn't feeling it. I want the girls to get pumped up too, because I think it's exciting, but no seems to feel the same way I do. Oh well, I'm going to continue to be persistent and push through. I have a feeling that's the right thing to do and that it will pay off.

I want to choreograph for some competitions, for a studio or something. Anyone know of anyone? lol. Maybe I can brand myself as pure choreography. Ah, I'd love that. I wouldn't mind going out to DV and doing some solos and duos. The girls are getting pretty advanced. We'll see if I can make that connection...

Well I should get back to it. Gotta get that letter out too.

Sneeze Machine

Wednesday is bringing more sneezes...and a whole box of kleenex. Ugh.

But onto better things! I'm doing my second class of bikram (hot) yoga tonight. Yay! It was tough my first time last night, but wow – I felt amazing after. So lucid, tired, cleansed...never felt quite like that. Hopefully I can make it through round two. And hey, it seemed to temporarily clear my sinuses...

I was just watching some youtube videos...mostly dance. Wow. SYTYCD is great this year. There's some awesome girls and great choreographers. (How breathtaking was 'Bleeding Love' by Chelsea and Mark?) And Paula Van Oppen...I admire that girl. I wished I could've done so much more at a younger age. Oh well though, I've got the opportunity now, right? It's always a good thing to get some inspiration every once and awhile from others to remind me to get choreographing our show! I've got practice this Sunday, so I hope to get something going before than. Although I usually do it on the spot if it just doesn't come to me before hand...we shall see. This is going to require definite planning with sets and such, which I'm not overly experienced with. At least we're close to a finalized song list.

Had a long brainstorming session today at work. Boy, I wasn't too creative this morning. I didn't feel focused...or like I really even cared. Blame it on allergies, right? I'll make tomorrow better.

Mondays Mean...

Well, the blahs. But it's always the day I think the most. Really think I mean. About the things I want to accomplish...right now, tomorrow, five years from now. I'm all over the post-it notes, scribbling to do lists all over my desk, which for a short time makes me feel like I've accomplished something (even though I've just added more to the pile!).

But right now, I'm thinking more long-term. Like the top five things I really need to do in my life...the big ones. This changes all the time for me, although I've given it much more thought lately. (Maybe my sister's gusto inspired me? The travels of my friends? The things I read?) I'm not sure why. I think it began when I quit my dance aerobics instructing job, which I did on the side two nights a week. With everything else, it kept be busy. And it left me no time for me. I felt guilty quitting, especially because I get a certain satisfaction from having a packed schedule. But I decided this is it. I listened to my gut I think. I try to anyways...I'm not sure if I've succeeded yet...but that's a whole other topic.

Anyways, after that, I've freed up some time. Which probably won't last for long with all my constant planning, but it's a start, right? And there's some major things I want to think about and do before time passes me by. For one, traveling. I know everyone says that, but the more I see people I know take off to amazing parts of the world, I wish I could too. I have a lot of commitments here...but then again, do I? I go back and forth. Of course I do, but if I truly wanted, I could travel, couldn't I? Of course $$ is an issue, but if I want to make it happen, I suppose I can. Where? Europe of course...but down the road. New York naturally. But where I feel most a peace and most alive at the same time? Beaches. I MUST visit the top ten beaches of the world. I'm not much of a swimmer or water person, but I feel most like myself by water. It's strange. I dream about them. I CRAVE it. Does being a pisces have anything to do with it? The point is there's so much to see in this world, and what I have seen? Not even a sliver. ; )

I've also started thinking about writing. Sure, I've got the day job. But I'd love to write magazine articles. Get going on some freelance. I need to start pitching. I know a small paper in town is looking for trend lifestyle pieces for females. Perfect. I'm just stuck on what to write about! Of course I have a long list of ideas, but nothing has really gelled with me...nothing has got me writing a query letter yet! And I must do it soon! I do have my trusty folder of query writing tips though, so that's one of my near future goals. Perhaps I should start setting deadlines? I hate deadlines.

That leads me to the ultimate – writing a book. I was always the type to say ugh, I write short copy only. But I've been changing my mind lately. I feel like I need to get a long story out of me, I just don't know what it is yet.

I've been trying to exercise more by doing the group class thing. I want to dabble in different things, find what I like other than dance. Bootcamp has been brutal and great at the same time. I'm pledged to try bikram yoga tomorrow. We'll see!

I've got other random thoughts floating around, and I can never seem to write as fast as the speed that they pop into my head...so I'm going to make a list of these things. Hopefully they'll help me for future reference!

-house stuff...making a beautiful front entry (inside and out!), rocking the fireplace and adding a mantle. The kitchen! Needs some work. And jackhammering away that ugly cement pad and replacing it with grass...that levels away from the foundation of our house! We need sod for where the old sidewalk was, we need a BBQ. I need to weatherproof the windows before winter. Sigh. The category of "house stuff" really can be neverending. But all in all, I enjoy to see it all slowly coming together.

-friends...I don't feel I've made enough time to hang out with the people I love, whereas I've wasted a lot of time on people I don't care for. I'm going to change that ASAP. It's in my control. It'll save me energy and give me more.

-photography...a few of my friends have experimented in it, and it had always piqued my interest but enough for me to really do any checking into. Maybe soon is the time. Since I was nine or ten years old, I've played with whatever crappy camera I have and attempted to take something really beautiful. Next present? A spiffy camera? Maybe.

-BonBon!! My dance group! I REALLY want to get this going. It's been in the back of my head, a lot of planning...and it's time to make it reality. We need money. I'm going to bring grant info to the girl this week. How amazing would that be, to be awarded a big spanking grant?! I want to be known for our dancing, especially my choreography. I love it. It's not perfect but I know there's something there. When I hear a song that needs to be a dance I ache. I don't know how else to describe it.

-I love fashion sketching. Why did I ever stop? I had my trusty binder for years (nine years old I started it?), with around 50 drawings I think, all on looseleaf paper. I wish I could find that. It makes me think of Nana. I loved her drawing style. I miss it. Outfits pop into my head. Sometimes I wish I could create them. I wish I could at least dress like that...but maybe I just don't have the confidence yet to pull that off.

Well I'm tired of writing. It's funny I've chosen this as my career because it can make me tired and doesn't always come effortlessly. And remember, this is my 'for fun' writing, so I've pledged to not spend time editing it, cutting away words...perfecting it. I want to leave it all as it orginally spilled out over the keyboard.

But it's good. I like words. And I think they're starting to like me.